10-03-09

Kids and Me

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Since I live with my youngest son Stofke, I have developed a completely different relationship with him. Whereas, when we were still a complete family, Stofke would always be on his own in his room, playing pc games or Playstation , there is now a closeness, that I only had with him when he was a baby , a toddler.

 

Sefke was always more a fathers’ boy, while Stofke would scream and shout if he saw me and then hang around my neck for the rest of the evening.

 

As he grew older that of course stopped, and due to my busy schedule I had less time for my boys and the distance between him and me grew, more so than between Sefke and me, although we used to fight a lot, especially over homework J.

 

Now I feel Stofke in a way is happier and more outgoing than when my ex and me were together. He has become much more sociable and we have a real good time together. We laugh like idiots with TV programs, Will and Grace being our favourite at the moment. We share jokes, only the two of us understand. There is an intimacy there that I cherish so much and hope to be able to cherish for a long time to come. And we are open and honest with each other. I tell him everything (not about his father.. I have to keep away from that, although I do admit of slipping up sometimes –I see to it that I apologize at those instances)

 

I feel sad that I cannot have this with Sefke, who is quite rebellious against me at times. I understand him though. I feel he is confused, hurt, and he feels obliged to “take sides”, something he shouldn’t have to do. It is out of my hands for the moment, and I cannot force him , but would like to explain to him why I couldn’t live with is father anymore, so he knows my story. He only gets fed the “other” story, which I find very frustrating, but that’s how it is, and I have to accept it in a way….for now…

 

My heart feels for him and wants to hug him and tell him it’s OK, but he won’t let me. I will have to bide my time. He’ll come around. Of that I’m sure. As it stands now, there is already progress, so I pray this progress will continue. Of both our sides.

 

20:58 Gepost door Crisje in Family Matters | Permalink | Commentaren (0) |  Facebook |

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