Down to Earth

After my post of yesterday, you would think I would be very upset.

Well for just about 4 minutes I was, tears at the ready. But then the realisation hit me as well as the idiocity of the whole scene that played itself out. I actually started laughing, at first I admit it was a nervous laugh, but soon I started to see the real stupidity which made me laugh harder, more sincerely and especially...it was a REAL LAUGH.

I stopped to think about it, and I came to the conclusion that once again I have made a big step forwards, making the distance between me and my disasterous marriage and its players a lot bigger.

Once again I made a growing spurt, one that really surprised me. Instead of mulling events around and around, I came home, and wrote about it. I also wrote an email to my ex, copy to ex-father-in-law, spitting out everything that I had held in for 21 years.

It was a cleansing experience. Thoughts sprouting out of my head, the mail becoming longer and longer. Today I "polished" the whole epistel, and after sleeping on it, it will be send tomorrow for sure. I had ENOUGH. And they will know it.

The positive note is that I really enjoyed their demonstration of frustration in such a way. I know they cannot fathom me anymore, and that scares them. How to handle this strange new woman? How to continue to manipulate this person of whom we do not exactly know what makes her afraid, what makes her upset, angry, tick? Indeed, how do you do that?

I feel sorry for them. For the fact that they need this power to be able to feel like a person. That they cannot see that they do not need that power to be a person. That their shotsightedness makes their life miserable and thus also other people's lives that become involved with them.

I hope that I don't have to write a lot about it anymore and I am sorry if I bore you, become repetitious or annoying. It is therapy for me, it lightens my heart by putting it down here.

I promise that the next few days I will try to post some lighter items, as I also could do with some of those!




00:12 Gepost door Crisje in In My Head | Permalink | Commentaren (2) |  Facebook |


Lighter items Your posts are not boring. I read once that one should tell a trauma again and again untill it is no trauma any more.

And the lighter items will come automatically.

Gepost door: ms | 06-03-09

on a lighter note Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. 'Damn' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. he takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, "Damn, Damn!"
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. he belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
"By Jeebers... I'm a little crocked", he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No damn way". He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says " I can make it to the bed". He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Damn it" and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?"
paddy says, "I did, jess, i was really crocked/ But how'd you know?"
"Mick phoned .... you left your wheelchair at the pub.

Gepost door: Evey | 06-03-09

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