09-08-10
Twist
Funny how your life can make a complete turn. Sometimes for the worst, sometimes for the better.
Since November last year, my spirit had been in a downward spiral. I could not see any endings anymore to the long and winding divorce battle I had been in since 2008. A verbal agreement was reached but it took my ex another 5 months before coming through on it. And those months for me were worse then when I actually stepped out of our marriage.
I stopped believing in a "reasonable" outcome. Good it would never be, but "reasonable" I could deal with , and even so I had no trust in "reasonable" anymore. I dragged myself through day by day by day, pestering my lawyer constantly in order for things to hopefully go ahead, although the ball was not in his camp either. I was merely surviving, not living, awaiting the "liberation" that I needed so badly to happen.
It was not until the very last day, the day that the court case I had against him would be going through, that my ex finally succumbed and signed the agreement we had made verbally so many months ago, actually going back to the original agreement of two years earlier. He was even pressured in doing so, otherwise I guess it would never have happened and a long legal battle would have been my future for the first years to come. And I think I could not have made it through that. I was even making plans of moving country, should worse come to worse.
That was were I was at in the month of March this year. Desperate, panicking, although trying to keep my head up, loosing all trust, faith and patience with the whole thing, depression creeping in , not interested in anything or anyone anymore.
And then all of a sudden the turnaround came. The funny part is that once things start to turn around, they turn in many aspects at the same time. It's as if a chain event takes place...one door opens and suddenly a whole lot of other doors also open, leaving one completely taken by surprise--in a good way.
That's what happened to me. Not only did I finally get to sign our agreement, but in the same week my emotional life took a whole new start. I fell in love, head over heels, not thinking it would ever happen again to me, especially not with that person, who I already knew for a while, since the last two years had been very weird in that department as well.
So when the day came to sign , I was not the pessimistic depressed woman, with no hope for the future anymore. I was a very happy customer in complete bliss and with a whole new outlook on life, on new possibilities, I thought would never arise anymore. I was alive again for the first time in a long long while.
So I can truly say...Miracles DO happen....and timing is crucial , as if divine powers are at work. At least that's how I see it. When things were at its worst, all was bad. Then a sparkle of light came in , and all of a sudden tha sun started shining bright and warm again.
Looking back at it now, I can say that it was not a minute too late. Just perfect coming together of things, all in the same week. If someone else would tell me the story I might have a hard time believing it, but now that I lived it myself, I know that it can happen.
All one needs is an open mind, patience, and a whole lot of faith, because it is true...after rain always comes sunshine, even after he biggest downpour ever.....
13:03 Gepost door Crisje | Permalink | Commentaren (1) | Facebook |
15-07-09
Life, Bluff, Courage
Life is funny. It deals you cards. Good ones and bad ones. Then you have to play. And bluff...don't forget to bluff once in a while.
But bluffing is easier said than done. Especially if you don't have a poker face, like me.... Lately, however, the bluffing becomes much easier...one learns eventually. Sometimes it's actually fun.
Life is also funny in the way it can throw a veil over things, people , happenings. That veil makes us believe that what we are fighting/living for is the right thing. It throws shadows on our emotions, on our rationalizing, on our whole existance. It can actually make you think you are free, happy, enjoying your life, whatever...But in actual fact you are not free, not happy, not enjoying...and you don't even realize it on a conscious level. Subconsiously all the info is there, only we forget to link up with our uncounsciousness most of the times, and continue believing in the falsenes we are living day to day. Only when we are ready to tear away thet veil, can we really be free, happy, enjoying..then we can become conscious.
I have tasted this freedom for over a year now. I am in the process of personal acceptance, personal forgiveness and each day I feel surer, happier, more and more ME. It is a wonderful process, although it started out with very painful situations, tearing me up inside. Now I realize that it had to be that way. Without going through all the hurt, I would certainly not have become the person I have become/am becoming-- it is a non-stop process, I keep on learning everyday.
It is incomprehensible to me that some people very consciously choose NOT to grow. They are so comfortable with the veil that they make excuses in order to not accept the gift that is there for them to grasp, if only they had the courage to reach beyond. I feel sorry for those people, because they miss out on so much good, so much beauty, somuch inner peace. And I think in the end that is the reason we are here. To be courageous, to unveil the hiddden gifts that life has in store for us.
16:20 Gepost door Crisje in My opinion, should someone be interested | Permalink | Commentaren (0) | Facebook |
14-07-09
Mind Wandering
It has been a while since I last posted something. There is a reason for that.
On one hand, my llife has become easier. This is because I have made it easier for myself, by keeping well away from certain peole, not fretting too much, and taking it one day at a time.
On the other hand it has gotten considerably more difficult, as my father turned out to be a perfect way of revenge onto me by my ex. He has been suing all my father's companies, thus deteriorating my father's health seriously. My father's mental health was far from 100%, but the incredible thing was that on the day of the first court hearing, he just stopped. Stopped eating, drinking, thinking, walking, living....we took a catatonic person to court, whilst my ex sat here with his hand in front of his face as not to witness this complete destruction of the man that gave him all opportuities, the father of his wife of 21 years, the grandfather of his sons. Some people have NO conscious.
As for me, I have stepped into the problem solving of my father's mess, and the complete and organized attack on my ex who has been robbing me of a fortune. The people that think they are smarter then other people often give the ones who are patient, bide their time, and collect all trump cards given to them, all proof in hands, and thus dig their own grave.
That moment has come. Now that our house has been sold, the big blackmailing item on his list has fell away, thus making it impossible for him to continue controlling me. And me, who has been silent for a year, saw what was happening and what he was doing, but was tied at hands and feet, and now I could finally step in and made use of all the information I had gathered during that long and frustrating waiting period.
So in the mean while, the first win in court is in with regards to the company. He was/is not amused. And immediately the blackmailing, the frightening game started again. This time however with no result whatsoever. The time of me being blackmailed and openly abused is long gone. So he threatens, so he shouts, so he is out of his mind and seeking other ways of control...Who cares? Not me... And this is only the start of what might be a long series of cases against him. This is what happens when you think yourself superior and are so bold in making serious mistakes that you give the oher party all in hands. So actually I have to thank him for being him.....
Furthermore, everyday new info comes out of the dense bushes. I have no idea how I have been so blnd. Have no idea how he managed to hide so many things from me. It's my biggest battle at the moment...forgiving myself for being so blind all these years. A battle I eventually will also win, as I have proved to myself I am quite resilient, strong and accepting of myself--to the contrary of the pathetic woman I used to be.
In spite of all these hurdles I still need to take, the obstacles I still need to clear, the unresolved interior issues I still have to solve, there is a certain peace deep inside of me. I am happy with who I am. I am accepting my failures ( slowly but surely). I no longer have the need to justify myself towards other people. Either they take me as I am or they leave it.
There are few certainties in life, but one of the for me is that I will NEVER again transform myself into a person I am not, just to please someone else. I will not live that lie again. For that lesson alone I am grateful.
12:47 Gepost door Crisje in In My Head | Permalink | Commentaren (2) | Facebook |
11-04-09
A Gift
I always thought that a gift was something you gave to someone coming directly from your heart. It does not need to be big or expensive. It does not need to impress. What counts most is the intention with which it is given.
There are so many false "gifts". Blood gifts I call them. They are there for bribery, for purposely hurting other people present who cannot affort to give an expensive gift for example, they are given with the intention of getting something in return, they are given with a special purpose that only usually reveals itself after a while.
Those gifts I a rather not get. And I am telling you all honestly..I will no longer except such gifts . That is a promise I made to myself. If I have the slightest inclination that a gift is offered with a purpose, I will politely declne to accept.
Perhaps you are thinking now why I am taking this negative posture. Well it is very simple. I recently discovered that I have received a lot of "blood gifts" throughout the years. How do you discover such a thing...well very simple. When the givers in question throw it in your face that they have given you such and such gifts or when you are even asked to give gifts back, well let me tell you, your world trembles on its foundations.
I can also tell you that I returned those gifts immediately. I don't want blood on my hands, I don't want falseness around me anymore. I have had enough falseness and lies around me for more then 20 years. And I am no longer putting up with that sort of shit.
Slowly but surely I am finding out about a lot of lies that were being told to me , especially by my ex-husband. They are all surfacing one way or the other now. It is really weird that in a small village like Almancil, based on gossip, that those things never reached my ears before now. But now I get hit....blow after blow. And unfortunately it still hurts immensely.
I could never have imagined he was such a liar, such a player, and that I was such a stupid woman to believe all of his lies. The biggest lie of all ...???? The one where he claimed that he loved me! And that is the lie that cuts the deepest, because i lived it for 21 years.
And still he lies, connives, and plots his revenge. His revenge for my audacity to leave him. And he uses the lowest weapons he can use. He is a coward, a beast. I cannot imagine that you would go so low to hurt someone and even get a kick out of it, which he does.
One thing I know for sure...he is a very unhappy, sad, pathetic little person, who will search for happiness the rest of his life.
21:10 Gepost door Crisje in My opinion, should someone be interested | Permalink | Commentaren (4) | Facebook |
06-04-09
The Warrior of Light - 4
"The experienced fighter withstands the insults; he knows the force of his fist, the ability of his blows. Before an unprepared opponent, he just looks him deeply into the eyes and wins, without need for a physical fight.
In so much as the Warrior learns with his spiritual master, the light of faith also shines in his eyes and he doesn't need to proof anything to anybody. He does not mind the agressive arguments of his adversary, saying that God is superstition, that miracles are tricks, hat believing in angels is running away from reality.
As the fighter, the Warrior of Light also knows his immense force; he never fights with those who do not deserve the honour of combat."
Excerpt of " The Manual of The Warrior of Light" by Paulo Coelho
19:45 Gepost door Crisje in General | Permalink | Commentaren (0) | Facebook |
Something to Think About
The intuitive mind is gift from god ; the rational mind a servant. We have created a society that worships the servant and has forgotten the gift.
Albert Einstein
De intuïtieve geest is een godsgeschenk; het rationele verstand een dienaar. We hebben een maatschappij geschapen die de dienaar vereert en het geschenk is vergeten.
Albert Einstein
00:41 Gepost door Crisje in General | Permalink | Commentaren (1) | Facebook |
01-04-09
The Warrior of Light - 3
" A Warrior of Light studies with great care the position he wants to conquer.
However difficult his objective might be, there always exists a way to overcome the obstacles.
He verifies alternative ways, sharpens his sword, seeks to fill his heart with the perseverance necessary to confront the challenge.
But as he proceeds, the Warrior realises there are difficulties he did not take into account.
If you wait for the ideal moment to come, you will never leave your place; you need to be a bit crazy to take the next step.
The Warrior uses a bit of craziness.Because -- in love and war -- it is impossible to foresee everything. "
Excerpt from " The Manual of The Warrior of Light " by Paulo Coelho
01:36 Gepost door Crisje in General | Permalink | Commentaren (0) | Facebook |
Something to Think About
Humor carries the soul over the abyss and teaches it to play with its sorrow.
Anselm Feuerbach
Humor draagt de ziel over afgronden en
leert haar met haar leed te spelen.
Anselm Feuerbach
01:21 Gepost door Crisje in General | Permalink | Commentaren (0) | Facebook |
28-03-09
Thoughts
Liefde moet zijn als een boom, met z'n wortels diep in de aarde, maar met z'n takken uitgestrekt naar de hemel.
Bertrand Russel
Love should be like a tree, with its roots deeply into the earth, but with its branches stretchting out to the sky.
Bertrand Russel
16:08 Gepost door Crisje in General | Permalink | Commentaren (0) | Facebook |
25-03-09
The Warrior of Light - 2
The Warrior of Light contemplates the two pillars next to the door he is about to open.
One pillar is called Fear, the other one Desire. The Warrior looks at the pillar of Fear, where the following is written: " You will enter into an unknown and dangerous world, where everything you have learned up until now will no longer serve you."
The Warrior then looks at the pillar of Desire, where it is written: " You will enter a world that is known to you, where all things you ever wanted and for which you fought so hard are guarded."
The Warrior smiles -- because there is nothing that scares him and nothing that holds him back. With the self-assuredness of someone who knows what he wants to know, he opens the door.
Excerpt from "The Manual of the Warrior of Light" by Paulo Coelho
16:58 Gepost door Crisje in General | Permalink | Commentaren (0) | Facebook |
24-03-09
The Warrior of Light
The Warrior of Light, without intention, makes a false move and dives into the abyss.
The ghosts scare him, the solitude torments him. As he was looking for the Good Combat, he did not think that this could happen to him. But it did happen. Surrounded by darkness, he speaks with his Master.
" Master, I fell into he abyss", he says. " The waters are deep and dark."
"Remember one thing", the Master responds. " What drowns a person is not the diving, but he fact that he remains under water."
So the Warrior of Light uses all his strenght to get out of the situation in which he finds himself.
From " The Manual of the Warrior of Light" by Paulo Coelho
19:33 Gepost door Crisje in General | Permalink | Commentaren (0) | Facebook |
18-03-09
Something to Think About
Je ergste vijand kan je niet zoveel kwaad doen als je eigen gedachten. Maar eenmaal beteugeld kan niemand je zozeer helpen.
Uit de Dhammapada
Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own thoughts can. But once controlled, no one can help you as much.
Uit de Dhammapada
21:48 Gepost door Crisje in General | Permalink | Commentaren (0) | Facebook |
14-03-09
Something to Think About
Het hart doet moeiteloos en in enkele tellen waar het hoofd soms jaren voor nodig heeft.
Sri Kishna Menon
The heart sometimes does without any affort and in a few seconds what the head needs years for doing.
Sri Kishna Menon
12:33 Gepost door Crisje in General | Permalink | Commentaren (0) | Facebook |
13-03-09
The 4 Tolteque Principles
Wees onberispelijk in je woorden. Vat niets persoonlijk op. Ga niet uit van veronderstellingen. Doe altijd je best.
De 4 inzichten van de Tolteken - 900-1100 na Chr
Be impeccable in your speech. Do not take things personally. Do not make assumptions. Always do your best.
The 4 Tolteque Principles - 900-1100 AD
Note : This are the principles I was thaught in my Life Coaching sessions. They are hanging on every mirror, on my fridge, on my cupboards, in my car, so as to always have them in mind. And my God, DO THEY WORK!!!!!!
10:05 Gepost door Crisje in General | Permalink | Commentaren (2) | Facebook |
12-03-09
Architect
" Now if those aspirations bother you
Well you are just you,you don't have a clue
I'm sticking to the plan, I will see it through
Let there be no confusion
Cause I'm the Architect"
By dEUS - Excerpt from the song " The Architect" - Album "Vantage Point"
22:57 Gepost door Crisje in My opinion, should someone be interested | Permalink | Commentaren (0) | Facebook |